Thursday, October 23, 2008
The Stigma of a working mom in Utah...
I'm a mom. I love my kids, and...I work. So what? Right? Well, that's my opinion anyways. I know that one of the prophets when I was younger said for mothers to stay in the home and that it was important for the stability of your family to do so, but I can't help but disagree. Here's the lowdown...things have changed since then, life as we know it is so different. Today we are so much more interested in the internet, electronic gadgets, and that Friday night TV show. These are the things that Satan has devised to distract us from what is really important. The structure of the family has changed as well. Today, it is not hard to find a Dad staying home with the children and the mom working. Is this wrong? Will the children be worse off because their father stayed home with them instead of their mother? This is a matter of personal opinion. In Utah it is almost expected that the mom stays at home with the children and the dad goes to work. If you don't fit in this box you feel judged and looked down upon when people in the "ward" find out that you work. I am working right now, yes, because I have to. We currently do not pay for child care as my amazing mother-in-law has helped us out tremendously. I make significantly more than what it would cost to put the children in child care so the whole "staying home is the equivalent of paying for child care" is irrelevant. I have a scenario for you...A mom stays home with 4 children, her husband cannot keep a job so he does odd jobs to make a living. She is overweight, depressed and extremely lazy. The house is a mess and is a very unsanitary living environment for the children to live in. They cannot afford healthcare or for that matter groceries so they basically live off of state assistance (i.e. food stamps, medicaid, etc.) Is this mom better than me because she stays home? Is she fulfilling her duty as a mother, is he fulfilling his duty as a father? My opinion is NO they are not. I have strong feelings about people that live off of the state with my hard earned tax dollars when they are able bodied and at least somewhat mentally stable. I believe state assistance is there for people that need a help up NOT a hand out. I do not believe it is okay for a mother to work if she is only working to get the EXTRA things in life (i.e. a more expensive home, a boat, a fancy car, etc.) We are struggling in life just like everyone else, the economy has gone to the crapper and everyone seems to be in a state of panic about the housing industry and their employment. The fact that we are working to make it in this world should show something about our character. We are both working to make a better life for our children. Yes, I miss them. Yes, when I get home they get 100% of my attention. Yes, they get more kisses and hugs in one day than probably the normal child. I feel I am fulfilling my duty as a mother just fine. Am I perfect? That would be a resounding NO! But, I am doing my very best for my children, my husband and my family. I would really like to know everyone's opinions and thoughts about this. Even if you disagree with me, let me know, I can take it I promise :) Am I completely crazy? (okay, okay please avoid the obvious answer on this one :)
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5 comments:
You are so NOT crazy! I am in complete agreement with you. Though Casey and I don't have any children yet, I of course would love at some point to be a stay at home mom, but I am not completely oblivious to life. I know that in all reality I will be working. And I am ok with that. I actually want to be able to work. So there is my opinion. I think that you are a fabulous mother.
First and formost I think your a great mom. Second of which I work two days a week so I am not in jugdment. Here is my very meger opinion. The prophet was not wrong when he said it was important for the Mother to stay home with the chldren. It is a vital part of the eternal nature of women. Men do not have the same capacites as women do. They are not a substitue. It is a privialge to stay at home with your children. The house hold duties that go along with that may sometime seem like a chore(ok most of the time they do)but it is a service that brings us closer to those we serve. Yet another reason women have such a capacite for love, it's the serve we give. The fact that you are there at home is a comfort to your children that we may not fully understand. Really, we are optimizing our role as mothers when we are home full time. It's not just a time to do house work it's a time to teach them the vital spiritual truths of this life. I am always suprised at the many opportunities there are to teach in the day. At this day and time how much more important are those time to teach them. No, the Prophet was not wrong. As far as the expencies of this life, they are important and that is why we need to depend on the Lord and his promises. Not what the world would have you believe is the case. It is do able but are we willing to depend on Him and have faith? That said He also knows our individual sistuations intamately. And only He can know what is best and how we are doing with what we have. So to judge anyone in a circumstance we may not understand is wrong. We all have to do our best and that is all we can do the rest is in His hands. And if your a mom of course you are crazy aren't we all!! but its worth the crazy!
You are just right in all of your thoughts. Both of my parents worked and I was babysat by a neighbor. I feel that if my mother had sayed home it wouldn't have made me a better person. I am probably more socially rounded because I was around other children ALL day long.However I am a stay at home mother and most days my home is not clean when Kris gets home and dinner isn't ready! I struggle trying to keep myself from going crazy with boredom or cleaning. I worry that my son is overly spoiled! Mothers who do work don't take their time with their children for granted!
Nik, you need to do what you prayerfully have decided to do. Who gives a dang what others think! Be careful when second guessing the leaders of the church - it is a slippery slope! You are capable of making a rightous decision that others disagree with but make sure that you do it with the right attitude, that is to say with the spirit guiding YOU! Also remeber what is your reality today does not always have to be. You can set goals and reach them. Maybe someday you will be in the postiion to stay at home with your crumb crunchers and then you will long for the days of work. ha ha! much love!
kara, i found you blog from allicens blog. i havent talked to you forever, i love finding old friends on blogs! it looks like you guys are doing great, you kids are so cute i think they look just like you. i just live in bountiful we should meet halfway sometime and do lunch. i hope your family is doing well, you will have to tell them hi for me.
-melynda
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